Saturday, December 7, 2013
Ergun Caner's Arrogant Dismissal of His Own Falsehoods
We need to pray for Ergun Caner to come to know Christ.
James White suggests in this video that the behavior of Ergun Caner may indicate that Caner may not be a Christian at all. Their is no evidence of true repentence, and regeneration. Ergun knows full well that he has been caught and exposed as a blatant liar, and yet he goes on the attack to protect his lies, by taking believers to court. Not only does Ergun Caner thumb his knows at the truth, he also thumbs his nose at the Word of God. This has led me to ask, that everyone that reads this, please take the time to pray that God Himself, would bring Ergun to repentance. Thank you,
T.B.O.L.F
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Life Changing Marriage Conference
Attention members of Super Fun, Warm and Friendly, Good Time Baptist Church!!!
Do you have an extra $50 that you have yet failed to donate to our life changing church? Well have we got a life changing deal for you!!! This weekend here at Super Fun, Warm and Friendly, Good Time Baptist Church, we are gonna have a life changing Special Event. A Life Changing Marriage Conference! That's right, we are gonna tell you how to live your life while being married! Yeah!!! Sounds like fun, right?
All you have to do is sign up, and give us the money. Then Show up in the Super Fun, Warm and Friendly, Good Time Baptist Church Super Duper Mega Life Changing Conference Building and listen to our guest speaker Reverend Doctor Psychology.
He will tell you things like:
How to be a good church tithing husband.
How to be a submissive church tithing wife.
How to raise your children to stay in church and tithe.
There will be a special life changing class at the end of the day just for you ladies entitled:
"You should follow your pastor's lead, and not your husband, when your husband doesn't agree with the pastor."
So Come on down to Super Fun, Warm and Friendly, Good Time Baptist Church and get your life changing marriage instructions. Tell your "unchurched" friends about it so they to can get "churched". Everyone needs to be "churched" at Super Fun, Warm and Friendly, Good Time Baptist Church.
It's Life Changing!!!
Notice: All staff members, Sunday School teachers, choir members, elders deacons, seaters and greaters are required to attend to show your support for the ministry of Super Fun, Warm and Friendly, Good Time Baptist Church.
Monday, December 2, 2013
The false doctrines taught in institutional religious systems:
Lie #1 - Christians must go to a place or building called a “church” -
The early Christians knew that they themselves were the church, the body of Christ. The early Christians did not build fancy buildings to worship in, like the pagans did. They were wise enough to meet in the houses that they already owned and used their money to... help people, not buy up property and million dollar buildings. Jesus said that the false religious leaders of His day were “full of excess” (Matthew 23:25). Have you ever noticed that most of the religious leaders of our day want huge buildings with huge utility bills that are only used for a few hours each week? If that isn’t excessive, I don’t know what is.
Most churches could share the gospel with the entire city for the cost of one months salaries, and or utility bills. A biblical church would not be so excessive and would use the money on eternal things, not buildings that please the eye.
Romans 16:5 Likewise greet the church that is in their house.
1 Corinthians 16:19 The churches of Asia salute you. Aquila and Priscilla salute you much in the Lord, with the church that is in their house.
Colossians 4:15 Salute the brethren which are in Laodicea, and Nymphas, and the church which is in his house.
Philemon 1:2 And to our beloved Apphia, and Archippus our fellowsoldier, and to the church in thy house:
The biblical Christian meeting is more like a family reunion, where people are free to ask questions, communicate with each other, and truly get to know each other like a family. It is not a “worship service” where most people just sit and listen without ever participating or using their spiritual gifts for the edification of the body. They had no professional, big salaried youth group leaders, music directors, or Sunday School coordinators, etc.
Christians did not begin to build fancy buildings until Constantine made Christianity a state religion, and invited them to begin worshipping in pagan temples (that were called “churches”), and placed the people under the bondage of a group of self appointed religious leaders that called themselves “the clergy”. Biblical Christians did not divide themselves into two distinct classes of people like the pagans did. The clergy and the laity division that exists today in the institutional religious system is the doctrine of the Nicolaitans, and Jesus said He hated it.
Revelation 2:15 So hast thou also them that hold the doctrine of the Nicolaitanes, which thing I hate.
Nicolaitane – to rule over or exercise authority over the common people.
The biblical Church is a group of people that are joined to Christ, through the miracle of regeneration, and the moment they are born again, they are full participating members of the Church, which is the body of Christ.
Lie #1 - Christians must go to a place or building called a “church” -
The early Christians knew that they themselves were the church, the body of Christ. The early Christians did not build fancy buildings to worship in, like the pagans did. They were wise enough to meet in the houses that they already owned and used their money to... help people, not buy up property and million dollar buildings. Jesus said that the false religious leaders of His day were “full of excess” (Matthew 23:25). Have you ever noticed that most of the religious leaders of our day want huge buildings with huge utility bills that are only used for a few hours each week? If that isn’t excessive, I don’t know what is.
Most churches could share the gospel with the entire city for the cost of one months salaries, and or utility bills. A biblical church would not be so excessive and would use the money on eternal things, not buildings that please the eye.
Romans 16:5 Likewise greet the church that is in their house.
1 Corinthians 16:19 The churches of Asia salute you. Aquila and Priscilla salute you much in the Lord, with the church that is in their house.
Colossians 4:15 Salute the brethren which are in Laodicea, and Nymphas, and the church which is in his house.
Philemon 1:2 And to our beloved Apphia, and Archippus our fellowsoldier, and to the church in thy house:
The biblical Christian meeting is more like a family reunion, where people are free to ask questions, communicate with each other, and truly get to know each other like a family. It is not a “worship service” where most people just sit and listen without ever participating or using their spiritual gifts for the edification of the body. They had no professional, big salaried youth group leaders, music directors, or Sunday School coordinators, etc.
Christians did not begin to build fancy buildings until Constantine made Christianity a state religion, and invited them to begin worshipping in pagan temples (that were called “churches”), and placed the people under the bondage of a group of self appointed religious leaders that called themselves “the clergy”. Biblical Christians did not divide themselves into two distinct classes of people like the pagans did. The clergy and the laity division that exists today in the institutional religious system is the doctrine of the Nicolaitans, and Jesus said He hated it.
Revelation 2:15 So hast thou also them that hold the doctrine of the Nicolaitanes, which thing I hate.
Nicolaitane – to rule over or exercise authority over the common people.
The biblical Church is a group of people that are joined to Christ, through the miracle of regeneration, and the moment they are born again, they are full participating members of the Church, which is the body of Christ.
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Welcome to Super Fun, Warm and Friendly, Good
Time Baptist Church!
Don't forget! Our Thanksgiving Service and Lord's Supper Observance will be tomorrow (Tuesday, November 26), at 6:30 PM in the Super Mega Warm and Friendly Auditorium. Join us as we count your blessings and your offerings (Don’t forget them offerings) and enjoy worship and fellowship together. Dinner will be available for purchase from 4:00 - 6:00 PM in the Super Mega Good Time Dining Room. Those of you prone to gluttony will have to pay a little more (you know who you are).
*** And before I GET ANY SMACK TALK FROM YOU BLOGGERS, let me state that I do not care about your opinions! If we (the clergy) decide that we want to make a few extra thousand dollars a year selling you stuff, that is our business, not yours. We have no convictions against turning the “house of god” into a house of merchandise, and making merchandise of you simple laymen.
Thank you to everyone who brought in a shoe box for Observation Christmas Children! Over 40 non paid simple minded laymen volunteers helped package more than 3000 shoe boxes last week, while those of us that actually get paid to do the work of the ministry got all the credit for it the regional Association meeting.
I would like to thank you for being willing to serve the Lord for free, and not for a salary. There is nothing like free slave labor to build my religious empire, and if everybody expected to be paid like I do, there wouldn’t be enough money for me to make those huge bonuses every year, and to pay my family for their “guest speaking” gigs.
Those boxes will be on their way to needy children just as soon as my grandkids go through them and pick out what they want.
I would like to thank each of you who gave to my wife and I for Hireling Appreciation Day.
On top of the 300,000 a year salary, and housing allowances, car allowances, insurance, and you paying my taxes at the end of the year, it is nice to know that you are willing to treat your poor, lowly, reverend, doctor,bishop, brother, and his first lady to a nice bonus offering.
I am going to have to ask that you please take up another offering, because Christmas is coming, and my daughter and son-in-law are needing a new washing machine and dryer. Just remember people, it is more blessed to give that it is to receive (unless you are a pastor, then it is good to be receiving).
Amen amen amen,
Yours truly,
Reverend, doctor,bishop, brother F. Luker
Chief Elder of Super Fun Warm and Friendly Good Time Baptist Church
Don't forget! Our Thanksgiving Service and Lord's Supper Observance will be tomorrow (Tuesday, November 26), at 6:30 PM in the Super Mega Warm and Friendly Auditorium. Join us as we count your blessings and your offerings (Don’t forget them offerings) and enjoy worship and fellowship together. Dinner will be available for purchase from 4:00 - 6:00 PM in the Super Mega Good Time Dining Room. Those of you prone to gluttony will have to pay a little more (you know who you are).
*** And before I GET ANY SMACK TALK FROM YOU BLOGGERS, let me state that I do not care about your opinions! If we (the clergy) decide that we want to make a few extra thousand dollars a year selling you stuff, that is our business, not yours. We have no convictions against turning the “house of god” into a house of merchandise, and making merchandise of you simple laymen.
Thank you to everyone who brought in a shoe box for Observation Christmas Children! Over 40 non paid simple minded laymen volunteers helped package more than 3000 shoe boxes last week, while those of us that actually get paid to do the work of the ministry got all the credit for it the regional Association meeting.
I would like to thank you for being willing to serve the Lord for free, and not for a salary. There is nothing like free slave labor to build my religious empire, and if everybody expected to be paid like I do, there wouldn’t be enough money for me to make those huge bonuses every year, and to pay my family for their “guest speaking” gigs.
Those boxes will be on their way to needy children just as soon as my grandkids go through them and pick out what they want.
I would like to thank each of you who gave to my wife and I for Hireling Appreciation Day.
On top of the 300,000 a year salary, and housing allowances, car allowances, insurance, and you paying my taxes at the end of the year, it is nice to know that you are willing to treat your poor, lowly, reverend, doctor,bishop, brother, and his first lady to a nice bonus offering.
I am going to have to ask that you please take up another offering, because Christmas is coming, and my daughter and son-in-law are needing a new washing machine and dryer. Just remember people, it is more blessed to give that it is to receive (unless you are a pastor, then it is good to be receiving).
Amen amen amen,
Yours truly,
Reverend, doctor,bishop, brother F. Luker
Chief Elder of Super Fun Warm and Friendly Good Time Baptist Church
From the desk of the pastor/ reverend/ doctor/ bishop/ elder/ brother,
Welcome
to Super Fun, Warm and Friendly, Good Time Baptist Church! This is the month for Thanksgiving.
So we here at Super Fun, Warm and Friendly, Good Time Baptist Church, would
like to thank all of our tithing members that give their tithes AND offerings
(don’t forget them offerings), to the professional clergy staff of Super Fun,
Warm and Friendly, Good Time Baptist Church.
The rest of y’all that don’t tithe, y’all probably would be more comfortable at
the little methodist church down the road!!!
(Hint hint).
I want to thank all of y’all that came out and shook hands and tried to round
up a few new prospective tithers at our annual Super Duper
Fabulous Fun Friend Day. We were able to gather the phone numbers and addresses
of about 25 people. We will now need volunteers to bother the crap out of these
people by visiting them at their homes every Saturday, and calling them during
supper every night until they become tithing members of our church, or, until they take out a restraining
order, whichever comes first.
As many of you know this is Thanksgiving month, so we are asking for volunteers
to bring in can foods for our annual Super Fun, Warm and Friendly, Good Time
Baptist Church’s Feed the Homeless And Starving Of Our Community Day. We will
be setting up table outside of the church near the highway, so that all the
passing motorists can see what a happy group of compassionate people we are
here at Super Fun, Warm and Friendly, Good Time Baptist Church, as we hand out
your food donations to the homeless bums that we all ignore every other day of
the year. Please stop sending messages to the church staff asking why we don’t
do this every day of the year. We know full well that homeless people are
hungry the other 364 days of the year, but please understand that we can get
our name in the local Newspaper if we do it on Thanksgiving, and image is all
that matters to us here at Super Fun, Warm and Friendly, Good Time Baptist
Church.
There will be no evening service of the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, so you
need to make sure to put your tithing checks, and offerings (don’t forget them
offerings) in the coffers this Sunday morning.
Yours truly,
Reverend, doctor, bishop, elder, brother F. Luker
Chief Elder of Super Fun Warm and Friendly Good Time Baptist Church
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Chief Elder of Super Fun, Warm And Friendly, Good Time Baptist Church.
Welcome to Super Fun, Warm and Friendly, Good Time Baptist Church!
Are you “unchurched”? Well then, you need to bring your unchurched self right
on down to Super Fun, Warm And Friendly, Good Time Baptist Church’s Super Duper Fabulous Fun
Friend Day. We have instructed our people here at Super Fun, Warm And Friendly, Good Time Baptist Church to act friendly, and to shake your hand, and to pretend like we really care about your soul. We’ve held classes to instruct our people to act like they really want you here at Super Fun, Warm And Friendly, Good Time Baptist Church during our Super Duper Fabulous Fun Friend Day. Hell, we’ll even give you a free t-shirt just for coming. (Well it’s not really free, we charged our members enough money to cover the price of these gimmick shirts to bribe you into coming to Super Duper Fabulous Fun Friend Day here at Super Fun, Warm And Friendly, Good Time Baptist Church.
We are real spiritual folk here at Super Fun, Warm And Friendly, Good Time Baptist Church. The Lord meets with us here every time the doors are open. This building made by human hands is God’s house, you know. That being said, you won’t be expected to pay the first couple of times you come to Super Fun, Warm And Friendly, Good Time Baptist Church. No we will allow you come free for a few times while we get important information about you like your name and phone number, so we can worry the mess out of you for the next 6 months with phone calls and personal visits, inviting you back to Super Fun, Warm And Friendly, Good Time Baptist Church.
However, if you would like to become a supporting member (that is a financial supporting member of the Super Fun, Warm And Friendly, Good Time Baptist Church, you will be required to take our class for new financial contributors, where we will tell you how you are allowed to think, what you are allowed to believe, and how much this is all gonna cost you.
We hope to see you there. And don’t forget neighbor: We loooooooovvvvveeeeeee YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Yours truly,
Reverend, doctor,bishop, brother F. Luker
Chief Elder of Super Fun, Warm And Friendly, Good Time Baptist Church.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)