From the desk of the pastor/ reverend/ doctor/ bishop/ elder/ brother,

Welcome to Super Fun, Warm and Friendly, Good Time Baptist Church!  This is the month for Thanksgiving.
So we here at Super Fun, Warm and Friendly, Good Time Baptist Church, would like to thank all of our tithing members that give their tithes AND offerings (don’t forget them offerings), to the professional clergy staff of Super Fun, Warm and Friendly, Good Time Baptist Church.
The rest of y’all that don’t tithe, y’all probably would be more comfortable at the little methodist church down the road!!!  (Hint hint).

I want to thank all of y’all that came out and shook hands and tried to round up a few new prospective tithers at our annual Super Duper Fabulous Fun Friend Day. We were able to gather the phone numbers and addresses of about 25 people. We will now need volunteers to bother the crap out of these people by visiting them at their homes every Saturday, and calling them during supper every night until they become tithing members of our church, or, until they take out a restraining order, whichever comes first.

As many of you know this is Thanksgiving month, so we are asking for volunteers to bring in can foods for our annual Super Fun, Warm and Friendly, Good Time Baptist Church’s Feed the Homeless And Starving Of Our Community Day. We will be setting up table outside of the church near the highway, so that all the passing motorists can see what a happy group of compassionate people we are here at Super Fun, Warm and Friendly, Good Time Baptist Church, as we hand out your food donations to the homeless bums that we all ignore every other day of the year. Please stop sending messages to the church staff asking why we don’t do this every day of the year. We know full well that homeless people are hungry the other 364 days of the year, but please understand that we can get our name in the local Newspaper if we do it on Thanksgiving, and image is all that matters to us here at Super Fun, Warm and Friendly, Good Time Baptist Church.

There will be no evening service of the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, so you need to make sure to put your tithing checks, and offerings (don’t forget them offerings) in the coffers this Sunday morning.

Yours truly,
Reverend, doctor, bishop, elder, brother F. Luker
Chief Elder of Super Fun Warm and Friendly Good Time Baptist Church